So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
