He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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