this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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