Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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