Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
