I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
