i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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