You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
