I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize