and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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