marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
