Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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