he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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