I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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