she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
