Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
