my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
