In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
