I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
