dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
