I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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