So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
