She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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