If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
