Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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