After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
