I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
