Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
