last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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