i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
