you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Still dying that you shit outside
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
