I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
