I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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