When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drake has all the answers
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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