just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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