Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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