Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
