that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
