I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize