Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
