Someone shit on the floor
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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