yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
