i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
