Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
