I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
