She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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