what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
