Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?