the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b