My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags