If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.