Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
