There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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