Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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