And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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