that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
