You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
