yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
