I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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