Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
