so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
