I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
