I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
