its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
