At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry about my life...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
