i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
