we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
