I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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