so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
