The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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