Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
