Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Randomize
