in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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