Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
