He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
