FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
