Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
