I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did you just see the Batmobile???
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
