I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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