My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
