Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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